Good news! You are already in many perfect relationships, and you and your partner are both perfect the way you are. We exist in constant relationship and connection with ourselves, each other, the earth and everything else in the universe.
But what is the goal of a good partnership? It is the same as our own personal goal. To grow.
Partnerships are like fertile soil for gardening. You and your partner both have your own gardens, and they are connected. You have to master your own garden and the art of gardening before you can help grow another. You get to choose which seeds you want to give water to and grow.
The zen master Thich Nhat Hahn says,
“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for the reasons it is not doing well. If you know how to take care of it, it will grow. Blame and argument have no positive effect at all. Just love, kindness, compassion and understanding.”
There’s some food for thought.
Guru Aama always says that unconditional love is the answer… and I’m starting to see and feel what that truly is. I am a culprit of this too, so I can see clearly that in a culture with such a lack of unconditional love for ourselves and from others, many relationships actually come from a lack of love rather than from love. We tend to love each other like broken birds holding each other in broken nests. But the best part of being broken is that we get to put the pieces back together again, leaving behind the pieces that aren’t us anymore, hopefully better than before. And we get to be phoenixes.
Also, I am starting to think that there is no ‘in love’ and only love. Being ‘in love’ can fade but love lasts forever and can only transform.
I am finally finished falling in love and am ready to rise in love. And I’m starting to see and feel what that truly is too… and it is the greatest gift.
In Nepal, I have seen many arranged marriages that didn’t start from the spark of being in love but worked their way to love. I have been wondering if, even though we all need love, maybe being ‘in love’ isn’t what matters most in a relationship. The family I am staying with started with an arranged marriage, and they are the most loving and functional family I have ever known. Guru Aama told me they have never fought because, ‘I respect him, and he respects me.’
So just for fun…
To tell if your partnership is right for you, try this test:
Does your partner…
Serve your highest good
Make you feel good about yourself
Treat you with respect and care and compassion
If the answer to any of these questions is no, then the answer is NOOOOO.
If the answer to all of these questions is yes, then ask yourself this question:
Is your partner fully present for you?
If the answer is yes, then ask yourself this next question:
Does your partner sing the song in your heart in a sweet resonant symphony?
If the answer is yes, then ask yourself this next question:
Does your partner inspire you to look deeply in yourself for the love you are seeking?
If the answer is yes, then congratulations, you may have found a potential partner! You win many lifetimes of work gardening yourself and another and maybe many others too if you have children!
From the dark of the night to the bright sunlight
Lighting the sky so selflessly
The sun never says to the earth “you owe me”
Look what happens with a love like that
It lights the whole sky
And everything and everyone
It turns the darkness into dawn
And just when you think the day is done
Just when you think it’s never ever
Here comes the sun
Always forever
And you are the sun, the one you’ve been waiting for
#I love you